Let me first say this is not Tony. It’s his wife Shanda, who by the way has never written a blog…EVER!!! But while mopping the wood floors today (which I don’t do enough) was totally inspired and felt Gods still small voice challenging me. For some time now praying has been very difficult for me. I’m not implying I never pray but, I don’t pray like I used to that’s for sure. For those of you who know my story I will apologize for having to hear it again, but I cant fully explain the thoughts without sharing it… sorry : )
Three years ago this month our precious son Micah Alan Simoncini left this earth and went to be with Jesus at only 3 months old. I know he is with Christ but I still miss him terribly!!! Our family still has a hole that only Micah can fill because nothing can take the place of our son not being with us… so before you get all super spiritual on me…Let me say don’t try the Jesus is all you need speech with me. Jesus gave us families for a reason and when someone in your family especially your child is gone it leaves a hole; and holes hurt (sometimes worse than other times). There are times we grieve more than others… like special occasions, holidays and family picture days. Those days that hole hurts because someone in our family is not there to enjoy it with us. Jesus is my rock that I go to when that hole hurts.
I could go on for hours about Micah and our grieving process, but back to today and the mopping!!!!
Due to our experiences over the last 4 years praying has been really hard for me. Not because I don’t feel close to God, I personally feel closer to God and I have a better understanding of who God is today more than ever. Praying for most of my life was a time I spoke to God, and let him know all my desires, and asked him to fulfill them…. and since He didn’t answer my greatest desire for my son’s heart to be healed and for him to live…I had a difficult time even feeling like there was a point to it all. Now let me go ahead and let you know I have been in church my entire life and know all the sayings… “it’s not about his presents, its about his presence”… I could go on and on, and yes I believe this, but the truth is, most Christians only speak to God when they are in need. I was not one of those Christians… I spoke to God often and still do. You see, talking to God is not my problem… it’s asking for things. I have a hard time asking for things!!
Our most recent need is for direction. Tony and I have felt Gods call to full time ministry for a few years now and would give up a great paying job and all our material possessions for Gods purpose, and will in our lives. After all we have been through, growing Gods Kingdom is our number one priority, and all the little things don’t seem to matter as much as they use to. So the last 6 months trying to pray for direction and Gods will has been in my heart just not out of my mouth as much as it should have been.
Today as I was mopping God spoke to me and said, “ What are you waiting for?? I’m not afraid of the challenge. It provides a great opportunity for me to prove I’m listening.” So with overwhelming feelings of thankfulness that God was speaking this to me… I stopped mopping (which is hard for my “gotta finish something NOW” personality) and I grabbed my bible!!! With tears in my eyes I did the “I’m just gonna open it and see what happens trick” which never works for me BTW but I did it anyway. And the first scripture I laid my eyes on was Psalm 18:25 “To the faithful you show yourself faithful” I’m not really trying to read into this scripture a lot. Most of the time I read scripture, its for knowledge of who God is, and I feel the need to know the scriptures before & after, who is saying it and who they are saying it to. But today when I read those words I felt like God just winked at me with a smile on his face and said watch and see my faithfulness!!
That is what I am going to do. Tony doesn’t know this yet but starting tonight we are going to spend sometime in prayer together for direction. I’m excited about us spending time before we go to bed praying together. I am also excited about the testimony of his faithfulness to speak to his children when they need it the most. So this blog is “to be continued….
Maybe I should mop more often…. : )
Thanks for reading and to God ALONE be the glory,